Being a Closeted Queer Person During the Holidays and 5 Ways How to Cope

The holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, warmth, and family bonding, but for many queer individuals, this time of year can also bring feelings of isolation, stress, and anxiety—especially if they are not out to their family and friends. I know this all too well as Thanksgiving night was when I came out for the first time. It was the first time I let a friend see the true me. Emotions were high and I did not have the coping skills to deal with these emotions. 

If you're struggling with being closeted during the holidays, you're not alone. Many of us in the LGBTQ+ community face similar challenges. Here are some coping strategies I find helpful to navigate the holiday season with more ease and resilience.

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions

It's important to recognize that your feelings are legitimate. The holidays can be a time of heightened expectations and emotions, and for someone who isn't out, the constant reminder of heteronormative narratives can be emotionally draining. It's okay to feel anxious, frustrated, sad, or even disconnected.

Instead of trying to suppress these emotions, give yourself permission to feel them. Acknowledging your feelings can help you better understand what you're going through and give you space to process them in a healthy way.

2. Set Boundaries

If you anticipate uncomfortable conversations or invasive questions from family members, setting boundaries in advance can be incredibly helpful. You don't owe anyone an explanation about your sexual orientation or gender identity, especially if you're not ready to share it. It's okay to steer the conversation away from personal topics or to set clear limits on what you're willing to discuss.

For example, if someone asks about your relationship status or makes assumptions about your romantic life, you could respond with a general answer like, "I'm focusing on myself right now" or "I’m just not talking about that at the moment." You don’t have to engage in conversations that make you uncomfortable.

3. Plan Your Exit Strategy

If you're going to be spending time with family members who might not be supportive or who might create an uncomfortable environment, it can be helpful to have an "exit strategy." This doesn’t mean you need to leave the entire event, but having a plan in place can give you peace of mind.

Maybe you can excuse yourself early from certain family gatherings or plan to take a walk when conversations become too much. Having a mental escape plan can help you feel more in control and less trapped in situations that may feel emotionally taxing.

4. Look Ahead to a Future Where You Can Be Your Full Self

While the holidays may be difficult in the moment, try to keep in mind that this is just one chapter of your life. The holidays don’t define your entire experience, and they don't determine your future. Over time, as you gain more confidence in your identity and your relationship with your family or community evolves, you may be able to create new traditions that honor your true self.

The holidays might be tough now, but your journey to living authentically will take you to a place where you can fully embrace and express who you are without fear.

5. Seek Professional Support if Needed

If you're finding that the emotional toll of being closeted during the holidays is particularly overwhelming, it may be helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor. A mental health professional who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues can help you develop coping strategies and process the feelings you're experiencing.

Additionally, support groups—either in-person or online—can offer you a sense of community. Connecting with others who understand your struggles can help you feel less alone and more empowered.

We have our monthly Sober Socials which are a great place to meet and network with other queer and queer-supportive individuals. Also, our Queer Speed Friending event is in December at Jack Rabbit! We are building a supported community no matter how you identify and whether you drink alcohol or not! Check out our upcoming events to see if there are any that you may want to attend! You will find other people with similar interests and have the potential to create lasting friendships. See all events here!