When I first thought about the idea of getting sober, I couldn’t really envision what that life would look like! When I used to think of “queer culture,” I pictured slinging cocktails at a dingy bar with neon lights, a jukebox playing all the pop divas, and someone always saying… “Do you need another drink?” It felt impossible to separate the idea of a fun, fulfilling queer life from drinking.
But here’s the thing—this shift towards a sober or sober-curious lifestyle isn’t just happening in queer spaces. More and more people, across all backgrounds, are questioning the role alcohol plays in their social lives and finding new ways to connect that don’t revolve around drinking. So why are so many queers leading this movement? And more importantly—why are we LOVING IT?
Why the shift in becoming a sober-curious queer?
Alcohol is ingrained in a lot of what we do, and if you are a queer person even moreso because we typically use it as a way to connect and socialize. The shift towards becoming sober or sober-curious queer people isn’t just about saying “no” to alcohol. It is actually way more than that... It is about curating spaces where people can be themselves and connect with other like-minded people in a low-pressure, judgement-free way—taking away the idea that you need alcohol to let loose.
If we focus on curating and supporting those true safe spaces where there isn't a huge need to “take the edge off,” we can lessen the “need” for alcohol.
Examples of successful sober queers for inspiration
Personally, I was not able to fully commit to sobriety until I saw examples of it being executed similarly to the way I knew I could handle it. This is a huge life change.
“How am I supposed to sustain this lifestyle if it goes against a lot of what I'm involved in every week?” In talking to others and self-reflection, this seems to be the number one reason people continue to drink even though they may not even want to… The fear of not being included.
Well, a few good examples of those who have challenged the societal drinking norms can truly be inspiring to show it is possible. Look at sober celebrities like Ru Paul or Nikki Glaser, who is a huge reason for my sobriety... They are loud and proud about their struggles and successes when it comes to being sober and are at the top of their game career-wise.
Seeing someone thrive and succeed in their field, while attributing much of that to being clear-minded and free from the pressures that alcohol brings, encourages society to become more aware of its habits.
You are sober, now what?
Once you make the decision (which in my opinion is the hardest part of this whole thing), the next hardest part is to sustain the lifestyle in a way that makes you feel like you are gaining things rather than missing out.
One way I found to be very helpful is to search for alcohol-free, queer community events. If there aren't too many or any at all, do what I did and start your own on any level.
There are many alternatives to the everyday going out, club scene that we think that the queer community is made up of. Here are a few event ideas that Sober One Six has personally done to give you a few ideas on things to do in your city! All proven to be successful!
Sober Drag Shows
Sober Queer-Friendly Meet-Ups
Sober Comedy Shows
Drag Workout Classes
Breaking the “Drinking is fun” myth
A lot of the pressure to drink in queer spaces comes from the idea that fun requires alcohol. More and more people who cut back or stop drinking altogether tell me they feel more present and engaged in their lives and relationships because they’re not distracted by substances.
I can personally say not drinking has allowed me to be laser-focused on what I want out of life and I now have the energy to make moves to ensure I am executing on those goals!
Our mission at Sober One Six is to create new and exciting ways to connect and socialize that de-emphasize alcohol and showcase to everyone that it has NEVER been about the alcohol and has ALWAYS been about the experience… we just have forgotten that along the way!
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